A Tiny Sprouting Tree

like the sun, that breathes into everything

and the various shapes, that whisper to your mind

it's something like an artist, that pervades the planets of my heart

and the pain, that makes its way away

a favorite word used; love, abundantly and instinctively

like a treasure you find in a modern wasteland

is an admiration so profound, that makes it safe to be insecure

a peaceful war, to break down your doors—

and create an escape

a chance to believe

a humility that even forgives naïveté

I feel so calm lately. I can’t be certain about what exactly induced the calm, but it’s quite possible that being here, in Amsterdam, has contributed to many alterations in my character. And the alterations have been a result of growth; a growth finally pleasant, as opposed to painful. And hence, the calm.

I’m beginning to see that this year has been/will be what I had hoped. I needed the freedom, the time alone and apart, and the breath of fresh air to allow my mind to follow its course, to run where it wants to run, to assemble pathways individually.

I have been learning, to an extent that is humbling (expressed: ‘a humility that even forgives naïveté’). And yeah, as well as humbling, the newfound knowledge has been overwhelming, inspiring, eye-opening, and a cause for confusion…

The confusion is nothing new to me. And let me reiterate: it is not a painful confusion. But as I learn new things, as I encounter new opportunities, as I experience new ways to enhance my life, my daydreams of an ideal life become smothered by a system overload. My visions are then reduced to measuring passions on a balance and attempting to be practical about my ambitions.

But I’ll tell you, measuring my passions on a balance and being practical about my ambitions has provided some massive relief, and I can feel a lot of angst, fear, and shallow intentions trickling away.

With this accelerated growth has come a decrease in the need to complain and to wallow in the mud of my misfortunes. It is probably time that I excuse myself from the table where sit Self Pity, Melancholy, Desperation, and Emptiness. If I am to be a cultivated individual, I must elect quiet resilience over tasteless distress. There is a way to accommodate sensitivity without succumbing to intensely negative emotions.

Contributing to my growth have been art (in many forms), culture, the modern world (i.e. technology, i.e. the internet), people much smarter than me, maps, idealistic visions, love (for myself, mostly), honesty, experience, hope, diligence…

I am grateful for and proud of everything I’ve endured.

Sincerely, Delaney